so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
