Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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