Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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