Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
