Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
