haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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