i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
