So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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