Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
