Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
