hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
