Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
there's paper in my vomit.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Can I color on your dick again?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
