woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
