Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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