kristin has been a bad kristin
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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