I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
