saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
