my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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