i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
