Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
