i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize