and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
