You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's rum buckets o'clock
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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