So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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