My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
