Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
