Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
