Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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