THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
