I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
