So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
