my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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