The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
