I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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