sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
