I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
