Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
