I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
