grandma shit on top of the toilet
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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