Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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