Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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