so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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