i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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