And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
