Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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