Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Buhtt sex?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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