Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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