the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
