I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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