How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
