in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize