and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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