D3 body, D1 cock
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
