ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
