I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
