i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
