last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
