Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
