How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
