Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
