I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
