I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
