just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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