I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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