they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
