I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
