I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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