Plan B is the new Plan A
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
