Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
