Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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