smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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