I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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