I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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