how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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