i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize