I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
